I’m just wondering if those of you that binge eat enjoy or despise shopping…

I know that it can be tough to try clothes on, have them be just a little too snug, need a larger size, etc, but can you appreciate the fact that you look good in something or do you dwell on the size?

Looking back to when I was binge eating, I think that I was in the middle.  There would definitely be times when I couldn’t get out of the mall fast enough.  In fact, one time I was at Target with my mom.  Whenever we tried clothes on, she would always come in the dressing room with me, but I totally didn’t want her to this time…  She did though.  I was trying on shorts.  Target sizes are weird to begin with, so I grabbed a size 15 at the time, figuring it would translate to a 14 in regular sizes. 

I couldn’t even pull the shorts up over my butt.  My mom went out to get me a 17 and those fit snug.  I remember getting tears in my eyes.  It was a bad situation because I needed some shorts, but the number 17 was enough to make me depressed.  My mom tried to comfort me, but it didn’t work.  I let the number get to me and started obsessing about being fat because I binged all of the time.   This is the perfect opportunity for negative emotions to set in and for the self-talk in your brain to go bad. 

After I dropped my mom off at her house and while I was on my way home, I stopped to buy chips and candy from the convenient store and then went to Taco Bell.  At this point in my bingeing though, food wasn’t doing the job it always had for me.  I didn’t feel better; in fact, I felt worse.  I cried the whole way home and realized how lost I felt.  Binge eating were merely just a habit for me now and it was making me feel awful. 

When I felt so badly about myself, I kept my distance from the mall.  I knew it only made things worse.

There were other times when I could disregard the size of the clothing and feel pretty in the outfit.  This was more rare, but when it happened I felt good about myself. 

R. and I are leaving for the British Virgin Islands tomorrow because my best friend is getting married on Saturday.  (So excited!!!)  Yesterday I did some last minute shopping for some fun island-appropriate clothing.  I just happened to notice that the sizes fluctuate drastically from store-to-store.  I could be a small in one store; a medium in the next…

I know this is no surprise to you though. 

However, I do think that we all forget about this. 

The next time you are trying on clothes, don’t even think about the size.  Remind yourself that it’s more important that it fits correctly and that you feel pretty in it.  If you obsess about the size and try to squeeze yourself into a smaller size, you might be setting yourself up for diaster, which would probably end in a binge. 

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 | Binge Eating, Binge Eating Disorder, Food Addiction, Just For Fun | RSS 2.0 | Comment | Trackback