Does Everyone Stare?
This past weekend Rob and I went out to dinner to the most fabulous Mexican restaurant. There was a wait, so we went to the bar and had a drink until a table was ready for us. While sitting at the bar, I noticed some looks my way and really didn’t think anything of it.
Then I went to the bathroom and noticed more looks. Naturally I became a little self-conscious and checked the mirror in the bathroom to see if I had something weird on my face. I didn’t. Walking back to the bar area generated more looks, from girls and guys. It made me feel extremely weird because I didn’t know why that attention was coming my way.
Regardless of weighing almost 55lbs lighter than I did while binge eating - I still felt the same feelings when people looked at me. One or two stares is nothing, but when you feel like you are being watched every time you make a move… Well, you just start to wonder what is going on.
Here’s what I came up with (and it’s so obvious!): Insecurities are something we all have to constantly work on because it is so easy to go back to how we used to feel. Sure I weighed 138lbs that night and I felt good. I feel good in my “new skin” and am very happy/proud of myself…
But, why do those feelings start to fade back to how I felt when I was 190lbs?
I have a much healthier self-esteem. I feed good about myself. I am confident. I do not do insecure things. I smile a lot more at people because I am okay with who I am and how I look.
Well, I made a decision that night. When I walked back out of the bathroom (for the 2nd time), I held my head up high, made eye contact with anyone looking my way, and I smiled at them. I made the decision to think that they were looking at me because either I was in their direction or for a positive reason. Nothing negative.
I always thought that everything would improve drastically and all of my insecurities would go away when I stopped binge eating and lost the extra weight. I can say that most insecurities are gone and my life has improved greatly, but there are still those times when I have to remind myself that I am not the person I used to be.
I have come so far from binge eating disorder and I have so many qualities to be proud of. When I remind myself of this, I put a smile on my face and don’t think twice about any stares in my direction!